If you’re like most women, you can get yourself fairly worked up leading up to Valentine’s Day…and the media sure does throw gas on that fire!
You’ve probably had at least a few disappointing experiences in your life, as you’ve hoped for some wonderful gesture of love and devotion from your man, only to have him come up empty-handed (or what was in his hand was not even close to what you wanted!).
Or you’ve been single for a while, and you’ve hated the lead-up to this big-deal-for-romance holiday, because you’ve feel like you’re missing out.
So how do you deal with this annual dance of angst before 2/14, followed by your hurt feelings (or anger, or resentment) right afterwards?
And before you go crazy on me, I am NOT saying that you shouldn’t have your man show you that he loves you, or have a special day to honor the wonderful woman that you are.
What I am saying is that there’s a great way to eliminate those killer expectations (and you already know those suckers wreak havoc on you and on your relationships!) and make sure you have what you want on that day, and that is to plan it for yourself.
Yup, plan it for yourself.
Now, if you do this, but do it with the wrong/resentful attitude, it will not work.
If you’re with a man, this isn’t about sending him some kind of a “f-off!” message, and it’s not about giving up on the possibility of feeling loved by your man. It’s just ensuring that you get the experience you want on this day – a day that means an entirely different thing to (most) men.
If you’re single, it’s not saying that you’re giving up on having the scrumptious relationship you want; it’s just relieving any pressure you’ve felt to be part of a couple on this day in the calendar.
No one on the planet knows as well as you do what your heart/soul/body yearns for as a way to feel loved – and with the extreme pressure that mounts for a “perfect” experience on Valentine’s Day, it’s just such a set-up.
And although you may find yourself making it about the jewelry, or the fancy restaurant, or the gorgeous flowers, etc., if you think about it, what you really are ultimately looking for is that experience of being loved.
Think about this for a second; who knows better than you how to create a nurturing, loving, fulfilling experience that hits home for you?
What do you suppose would happen if you told your man that, instead of him going out and spending money to do the “should” thing (flowers/dinner/jewelry – the obligatory gestures…how loving does that really feel?) – you were going to use that same money and:
- spend the day at a spa, being completely pampered;
- go shopping with your best girlfriends to buy yourself something that made you feel exquisitely gorgeous;
- go away for the weekend with your best girlfriend and relax;
- go to a yoga retreat;
- send the kids to go to their grandparent’s house for the night so you can stay home in your jammies.
And you single gals – how about planning a party (even of one) where you celebrate your wonderfulness, and nurture your feminine spirit/body in some way?
These are just some ideas…but you get the point? What would be the best way for you to get what you’re seeking, which is to feel love?
Are you aware that, for most men, if they could make Valentine’s Day disappear forever, they would?
With this proposed plan, you would have an experience that was completely tailored to your needs (because you designed it), and – for you gals in a relationship – your man would get to support you – without having to figure out how to out-do his prior efforts (or the efforts of your all your friends’ husbands/boyfriends). Or without having to fix his past years’ “bombs”.
If you think there’s something to this, and you decide to give it a try, I’d love to hear about your experience.
If, instead, you think I’ve lost my mind, I’d love to hear from you, too.
Happy Valentine’s Day!