Always Remember – You're The Great Catch

Dear Karen,

I have been out on a few dates with a man I am very excited about.  My question to you is this: how can I stay on track so he wants to be with me?  He’s really a catch, and I think we’d be great together.  I want him to stick around long enough to know it, too.  Thanks for any help you can offer! ~ Mindy

Dear Mindy,

I’m delighted for you that you’ve met a man who’s got your juices flowing – that’s great fun!  The job you’ve got right now is not to get ahead of yourself, however.

While I don’t get any red flags in your question about how you feel about yourself, I do want to use this opportunity to remind women about this very critical aspect of dating: you must believe you’re desirable to men.


Priority # 1 for you: It’s absolutely vital that you operate from the knowledge that you are a catch.  You can’t attract a man you believe is the best man for you, unless you know you’re the best one for him.  To know that about yourself, you have to love, accept and respect who you are.


No man is going to come along and create that feeling inside of you – it must be inside you already.  If you’ve been reading this newsletter for any length of time, you’ve heard me say “like attracts like”, or “be what you seek” somewhere along the way.

One thing that’s great to do: an inventory of all the fabulous things about you, and what you have to offer the right man for you.   Keep that list handy, so you can remind yourself daily of the great catch you are, and how lucky the right man is going to be to find you!


The next critical piece (it’s the other #1 priority, frankly) also has to be in place, if you want to have a shot at ending up with a great man for you: you have to be completely clear about the qualities that must be present in a man, if he’s going to be a candidate for a relationship with you.

It’s also fundamental information for you, so that you can have the kind of relationship you need to create so that you’ll be able to be fulfilled.

Without this “map”, you’re in the dark, and are more at risk of being swayed by a man who’s not going to be right for you.  You’ll find out eventually that he’s a bad fit for you, but at what cost?

Do the work you need to do so that you’re being guided by a map you trust with your life.

Like the list of all your great qualities you want to review daily, this is also something you want to review regularly (hey, take your list on dates – review in the ladies room, if needed!).


If you’re dating a man who’s a great fit for you, then one way you’ll know it is because you’ll have an easy time being yourself, and he’s clearly going to be delighted by your authentic self.  (Note: this does not mean that neither one of you will get scared and pull your fear-based defensive tactics – that’s for another newsletter).

If he’s not the right one, then being yourself and sharing your dreams and joys, as well as fears, will cause him to go away.  That’s GOOD NEWS!

In fact, think of it this way: if you are clear about who you are, what you want, and where you’re going, and as a consequence the wrong men disappear, you’ve saved yourself from something lots of women hate to do, which is to say “no” to a man who wants to see you again.

By the way, I’m a big fan of learning how to say “No”.  I’d love to see more women get better at it – so many issues would just go away, wouldn’t they?


Whether a man keeps pursuing you, or he disappears, always remind yourself that it is happening because you are the chooser, and you’re doing a great job.  You’re doing the choosing by sending out strong enough signals about who YOU are, and what YOU want.  Men who don’t feel aligned with you will go away.  And the right ones will keep coming back for more.  What a great system!


If you feel that you need more guidance and support with being clear about what you require in a man before you can choose him, then this one hour teleclass may be just what you need: Your Required Qualities and Relationship Vision (how to have them, trust them, and allow them to guide you with men).  To learn more, please go to: