Getting Through Fairy-Tale-Itis

Dear Karen,

I was recently dating a man who I thought was “the one”.  Things were going along well, and then “Boom!” – he dumped me.  There had been a couple of things that I had seen along the way, but I thought we were still fine.  I am so shocked and hurt.  How can I get him to see that we belong together?  I really need your help with this…I cannot move on.  – Allison in CT

Dear Allison,

I’m sorry to hear you’re in such pain. I don’t think you’ll like my response, but at least try it on to see if it makes sense.

The first thing I see that raises a flag for me is the term “the one”.  I find this very issue has been coming up quite a bit lately (Law of Attraction at work!).  Most women have a terrible problem…it’s called “Fairy-tale-itis”.


We spend hours and hours as young girls, hearing all about the Handsome Prince (HP), who will come to rescue us from terrible things (TT), as long as we’re a perfect princess (PP).


We’ve basically been brainwashed to have to be a PP.  The media completely supports this with ads for the products we MUST have in order to be the PP that will suck in…er, I mean attract…the HP so that we never have to deal with any more TTs in our lives.

What a set-up – for all of us!  (I mean think of it…the HP has a huge burden, too, which most men are just not able to measure up to – no matter how hard they try!).

So even though your question wasn’t directly about you being a PP and desperate for your HP to come rescue you from all the TTs, it’s playing a part in all of this.


There are lots and lots of wonderful men out there.  You may not be able to see them, though, because, instead of being atop a white steed, they’re driving a Toyota, and instead of a sword and shield, he’s more likely to be wielding a cell phone – as well as a few extra pounds around the middle.

Stop the madness!

No one can measure up to those ridiculous standards, and yet that’s what everyone is doing when it comes to romantic relationships.

Okay, that was a bit dramatic – but did I get your attention?  Good!

So there is no “the one”.  There are, however, oodles of “I can work with that”.


Now, there is a basic “blueprint” that you have to follow as you build a relationship, and a life, with a man.  You’ve got to know what that is for you, and then you must NEVER compromise on that.  If you’ve been reading this newsletter for any time at all, I know you’ve heard this before: never compromise.


You are truly better off being alone – for the rest of your life – than to sell out on what you require.

(And if you don’t know what you require, please stop dating immediately, and do what you have to do so that you know.  Critically important to you, and to the man you’ll end up with.)


A man who is a good fit for you, assuming you know who you are and what you want, and are being authentically yourself (that’s for another newsletter issue!), is a man who keeps coming back for more.

Conversely, the man who is not a fit for you is the man who goes away.  Isn’t that a handy system?  It will save you from the thing so many women hate to do (and therefore don’t do it soon enough), which is to say “no, thanks” and send men off on their way.

Allison, if your guy dumped you, then you couldn’t choose him, anyway (not and be true to yourself).  He wasn’t a fit for you.  And all the evidence you need is that he went away.