A quick check-in…

Because you know that information is power!

This self-test comes out of a book by John Gottman, Ph.D., “Why Marriages Succeed or Fail…and How You Can Make Yours Last”.

Dr. Gottman is a leading expert in marriage, and a great resource for anyone who wants to have an extraordinary relationship.

Ready?  Here’s your self-test (and remember, you’re just checking in to see where you are right now, so you can make any changes needed).

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Answer “yes” or “no” to each of the following statements, depending on whether or you mostly agree or disagree.  Take the test on behalf of your partner, if necessary.

1. My spouse seeks out my opinions.
YOU:    Yes    No    PARTNER:    Yes    No

2. My spouse cares about my feelings.
YOU:    Yes    No    PARTNER:    Yes    No

3. I don’t feel ignored very often.
YOU:    Yes    No    PARTNER:    Yes    No

4. We touch each other a lot.
YOU:    Yes    No    PARTNER:    Yes    No

5. We listen to each other.
YOU:    Yes    No    PARTNER:    Yes    No

6. We respect each others’ ideas.
YOU:    Yes    No    PARTNER:    Yes    No

7. We are affectionate toward one another.
YOU:    Yes    No    PARTNER:    Yes    No

8. I feel that my partner takes good care of me.
YOU:    Yes    No    PARTNER:    Yes    No

9. What I say counts.
YOU:    Yes    No    PARTNER:    Yes    No

10. I am important in our decisions.
YOU:    Yes    No    PARTNER:    Yes    No

11. There’s lots of love in our marriage.
YOU:    Yes    No    PARTNER:    Yes    No

12. We are genuinely interested in one another.
YOU:    Yes    No    PARTNER:    Yes    No

13. I just love spending time with my partner.
YOU:    Yes    No    PARTNER:    Yes    No

14. We are very good friends.
YOU:    Yes    No    PARTNER:    Yes    No

15. Even during rough times, we can be empathetic.
YOU:    Yes    No    PARTNER:    Yes    No

16. My spouse is considerate of my viewpoint.
YOU:    Yes    No    PARTNER:    Yes    No

17. My spouse finds me physically attractive.
YOU:    Yes    No    PARTNER:    Yes    No

18. My partner expresses warmth toward me.
YOU:    Yes    No    PARTNER:    Yes    No

19. I feel included in my partner’s life.
YOU:    Yes    No    PARTNER:    Yes    No

20. My spouse admires me.
YOU:    Yes    No    PARTNER:    Yes    No

Scoring: if you checked “yes” to fewer than seven items, then it is likely you are not feeling adequately loved and respected in your marriage.  You need to be far more active and creative in adding affection to your relationship.