I’ve met a man I am pretty excited about – I’ve dated SO many men over the last few years, and he seems to have everything I’m looking for. That’s the great news. Now, the one little “red flag”, which is why I’m writing, is that he’s in his early 50s, and has never been married. He’s never even been on vacation with a woman. He tells me he wants to get married and to have a family (and he took me to meet his family recently – I don’t know if he’s ever done that before). I am really scared that he won’t have the “stick-to-it-iveness” that marriage and family would require. What do you think? – Judy, VT
I think you are very smart to see that red flag. I see it, too. In fact, it’s waving so fast it’s hard to see much else.
The only way that flag would stop waving so hard would be if he’d spent the last 30 years devoted to work that was incredibly meaningful and demanding, and he’s only now lifting his head up to look at what’s next for him.
If, however, he has not demonstrated that kind of focus, drive and commitment to something else in his life, then you’ve got about a snowball’s chance in hell of having a lifetime committed relationship with this man.
He may even want that, and may believe he’s ready for it.
He just doesn’t know how to do it – and you can’t bet your future on being able to help him get there (not that I would suggest you try, by the way).
I suspect that the first time a) you two hit a snag, or b) a shiny, new distraction came his way, he’d be off like a shot off a shovel, onto his next adventure.
It’s so hard when you meet someone you get excited about, and then discover something that really screams “No!”.
Make sure you get back out there, Judy – being your wonderful, worthy self, and attracting more men to evaluate as potential candidates for you.
More men. It’s the best “cure” for this kind of situation.
It’s time for the best four-letter word in dating: N-E-X-T!