The Law of Attraction and Manifesting a Relationship

Dear Karen,

I hear all this stuff about Law of Attraction and Manifestation, and it makes so much sense to me.  How can I get to a feeling and being place of already having what I want – when I really don’t?  What can I do to get, and stay, in a place of knowing I will have the relationship I want? Thanks for your help. – Judy, NY

Hi Judy,

Great question!  You are dealing with a very important aspect of working deliberately with the law of attraction, and it’s a great thing to understand.  The most important thing for all of us is to feel good.  This is the only thing that tells us – really – what we are attracting to us (not “specifically”, because you don’t want to get too focused on a particular thing…more on this later).

If you’re clear you want a new customer, and when you think about a new customer you feel some heaviness in your solar plexus, or your shoulders feel saggy, or you have any negative or low-energy feeling, then what you’re really putting your attention on is the fact that you don’t have a new customer right now, and you’re probably really thinking about your bills, and if you don’t get a new customer you’re going to be tight financially, etc., etc.

So, when you do find yourself thinking of something you want, and you’ve trained yourself to notice how you’re FEELING (whether you can identify the emotion, or you’re just aware of a sensation in your body), and you can tell you’re focused on the LACK of that thing you want, the thing to do is to put your attention on something that makes you feel good – and it will usually have to be completely unrelated.

I think some people get stuck on thinking that in order for something we want to come into our lives, we have to keep “asking” for it, and keep reminding the universe that this is the thing/event/person we want/need, in order to be happy.

Think of it like this: it would be like going to a restaurant, putting in your order, and then, rather than sitting back and enjoying the company, or relaxing because the atmosphere of the restaurant is beautiful or calming, you keep calling the waiter back to re-iterate your order, just in case he didn’t get it right.  In fact, every time you call the waiter back, it slows the process down because the order never quite gets submitted.

So, what you do when you’ve put in your “cosmic order” – for a relationship, or a new home, or a baby, or a great customer, or whatever – is to find a way to feel good, in any way that works for you (meditation, pat your animals, read books that make you feel good, watch movies that do the same, exercise, hang out with good friends, dance, sing, volunteer, do creative projects, etc.).

The only thing that would impact this is if you have no idea what you want in the first place: then what the cosmic kitchen cooks up for you may feel good, as long as you’re vibrating in a generally high/good place in order to attract good things, but they may not be a spot-on match to anything in particular, because you haven’t put in a clear enough order.

So, here’s the deal.  If you feel good saying “when we are together” about your future man, then do it.  If you’re speaking from a place of faith and knowing, it’s all good.  The thing that LOA responds to isn’t your words, anyway, but your energy.

If you feel tight, low-energy, then I’d shift to focusing on how deserving and wonderful you are right now, and just keep looking for evidence that good things are flowing into your life.  If you let yourself see the “small” evidence consistently, then you’ll be able to see the evidence of “bigger” things as they come to you.

Being receptive, appreciative, holding yourself in a place of faith…all these things bring your desires to you that much faster (but of course you can’t focus on wanting them faster, because then your attention is on the fact that they’re too slow – and you get more of what you’re putting your attention on!).

I’ll finish with this powerful quote: “We cannot have what we want, until we want what we have.”